Forget SNL. Madison Square Garden hosted a different kind of theater. Two weeks out from SummerSlam, WWE brought the circus to Manhattan. It was loud. It was chaotic. And yes, some tall guys who play basketball showed up to pull focus.
Let’s talk about the local hero. Jalen Brunson, the Knicks’ savior, got the royal treatment. Roman Reigns, looking every bit the smug mob boss, handed the point guard a custom blue-and-orange WWE title. Greatness recognizing greatness, or just cheap pop marketing? You decide. The crowd ate it up. Then came the party crashers. Tyrese Haliburton showed up with Seth Rollins, carrying a steel chair. Classic heel move. Rollins wanted a curb stomp, but Brunson stood his ground. One Superman punch and a spear later, the bad guys scattered. Reigns walked off holding Brunson’s NBA trophy. Fair trade.
The main event scene is a mess. Cody Rhodes and CM Punk teamed up to face Sami Zayn and Gunther. Strange bedfellows. Punk and Cody played nice, but you could smell the ego from the cheap seats. The match was a masterclass in tag team psychology. Gunther chopped Punk into another dimension. Chops that sound like gunshots. Cody hit his usual flashy offense. Chaos reigned when the referee took a nap. Nick Aldis ran down, cracked Gunther with a belt, and set up the finish. Punk hit the GTS, draped Cody over the champion, and got the three-count. Afterward, Punk “accidentally” clipped Cody with the belt. Sure, Phil. Totally an accident. Grade: 97 out of 100.
Lyra Valkyria has lost her mind. She came out looking like she’d been staring into the abyss. No smiles. Just pure, unadulterated malice. Bayley had her hands full. This wasn’t a wrestling match; it was a mugging. Lyra’s nose got busted open early. Blood everywhere. It looked brutal. It felt real. Lyra channeled that crimson tide into pure rage, eventually choking Bayley out for the submission win. But she wasn’t done. Post-match, Lyra dragged Bayley to the floor and dropped her onto the steel steps. Brutal. Beautiful. Grade: 93 out of 100.
Now for the weird stuff. Danhausen in MSG. The ghoul wore Knicks colors. JD McDonagh brought Dominik Mysterio for backup. It was a No-DQ circus. Dom tore up Danhausen’s jersey, which is just rude. Then the “Mini-Hausens” ran out. Yes, really. When the numbers game got too much, the cloning machine opened. Out stepped Karl-Anthony Towns. KAT in the Garden. He chokeslammed McDonagh, put Dom through a table, and handed Danhausen the assist for the win. Ridiculous? Yes. Fun? Absolutely. Grade: 91 out of 100.
We started the night with the tag titles on the line. Brie Bella and Paige defended against Fatal Influence. The challengers are great heels—mean girls with actual talent. Paige took a beating in the wrong corner. Brie got the hot tag and cleaned house with those “Yes” kicks. But numbers always win in this business. Jacy Jayne interfered, tripping Paige up and allowing Lainey Reid to steal the pin. New champions. It was fine. Nothing spectacular, but it did the job. Grade: 83 out of 100.
Sami Zayn spent the night whining about his lack of a SummerSlam spotlight. Gunther told him to shut up. Fair point.
As for the venue? MSG is different. I’ve watched wrestling in drafty armories and massive stadiums, but the Garden has a soul. It makes even the dumbest carny tricks feel like high art. Too bad the broadcast on ESPN Unlimited kept freezing. Bring back Peacock.
